Hurst Family: A Baby Story

I have attempted to write again at least 4 times, but the struggle is that it's taking every ounce of my soul to restrict myself from complaining about all things pregnancy.  I WANTED THIS.  Yes, I did, I really did....  There is no doubt in my mind that God gives us "pregnancy brain" so we forget how hard these 9+ months can be on us. Speaking of pregnancy brain, what else was I going to talk about?  Oh... One more week until I officially enter the third trimester and I'm having the worst mental struggle to date.  This pregnancy began with OHSS and I have looked 6+ months pregnant for 6+ months now.  I would consider everything to be "normal" at this point, but my back has taken a serious beating having carried weight out front for so long.   Sleep is a rarity these days.  Maybe a full body cast would help?  I could flex and see my top two abdominal muscles up until a month ago, now they are stretching and the excruciating pain of that i...

I'm almost 20 weeks (5 months) pregnant AKA halfway there!  I'm still such a weirdo for not fully grasping the realism of this baby-in-utero situation, but I am oh so excited to go Tuesday October 13 for our ultrasound to check on this babe and find out if it's a boy or girl!  I'm hoping and praying that all goes well at this appointment and we can focus on naming and welcoming a new child to our family. [Stay tuned Oct 13 for the big announcement!] Here lately, I've been spending more time in the gym and am really feeling good.  I know that feeling good is a big bonus in the second trimester so I'm taking advantage of it and hoping to continue moving throughout the third trimester.  I feel differently this pregnancy than I did with Khloe and I owe 99.9% of that to continuing to get myself to the gym.  Now I will say, my goals are different while pregnant.  It took me a few weeks to get over myself and realize I had to take it easy.  Humbling myself ...

So far, so good with this little kiddo in my belly!  I'm 16 weeks tomorrow and already feeling the baby moving around, mainly at night. So much has happened within the past 45 days.  We decided to start the building process for our future home.  We listed and SOLD our Broad Ripple home! (Shout out to our awesome realtor, Todd Ferris!)  We've also found a place to live during the transitional time while our new home is being built.  Did I mention that - on top of all that - I'm pregnant with our SECOND miracle baby?  I'm not really sure what to think about all of this falling into place so quickly and so smooth-like, but I can't help but thank God for it all and to be grateful for these blessed times in life. Actually, let's get "real" and talk about how surreal this all feels to me.  Any time something great happens in life, at this age and time, I feel like I react in a very calm, collective yet apprehensive way.  I can't help but to always, ...

So, I thought I was 11 weeks and 2 days.....  I swear they just guess each time I go in.  Just as my last pregnancy, I'm assuming once I transfer to a regular OB, they'll adjust and give me an official due date.  Right now, we're still shooting for late February. My final follow up with Dr. Jarrett was this afternoon.  He did an ultrasound and everything looked great -- SO encouraging!  The baby looked huge compared to my last ultrasound!  "It" was moving around like crazy but Dr. J was able to easily find the heartbeat and get measurements.  Khloe was with me and so excited to see the baby on the screen.  She even got her own copy of an ultrasound picture!  Dr. Jarrett instructed me to quit taking all meds (with the exception of prenatals).  That in itself causes a very nervous and anxious feeling for anyone who undergoes fertility drugs.  I've been on all kinds of meds over the past 3+ months.  It's crazy to me to think t...

As most of you know, since seeing me lately or from the picture I posted online last night, I no longer look 20+ weeks pregnant!  I'm having a great week and am really back to feeling like myself again.  The only true symptom I would say I have is total exhaustion, but besides being pregnant, I'm also adjusting to a different coaching schedule at the gym requiring some very early mornings!  Don't get me wrong, I love it. In other news, Kellen and I finally made the decision to sign papers last night and begin building our dream home in Noblesville!  We have been looking for about two years to get ready for this day.  We also spent a few years working through Dave Ramsey's program to be able to make this decision in the most financially responsible way we could.  It has required a lot of patience and determination on our part, and now we are feeling the excitement of all that patience and self control paying off! One thing that really stands out in my mi...

If you see me out, don't mind that I'm only 9 1/2 weeks pregnant but I look like I'm big enough to give birth here in a couple months.  I'm feeling pretty good (I've only had 2 pain pills in the past 5 days!) but I will still be dealing with OHSS symptoms on and off until I'm closer to 12-13 weeks along.  The OHSS still causes fluid buildup in my abdomen, but not anything like it was a month ago and not enough to have another paracentesis performed.  I don't mind looking pregnant and actually being pregnant, but I'm hoping that the fluid decreases over the next few weeks and then I grow a baby belly vs an OHSS belly.  Until then, I'm keeping an eye on my diet, drinking lots of fluids (because dehydration is a concern with my condition), and feeling good enough to get back in the gym and move a little weight and/or body weight around.  I'm not sure of many fitness classes I could go to that would be as scalable as any crossfit workout, and I love ...

Sometimes I feel like this is never going to end... but I know once I'm through it I'll look back and realize that this time, although tough, will have gone by fast.  I remember when we found out I was pregnant with Khloe we were excited!  We went out and celebrated!  This pregnancy has started out differently.  We haven't had the opportunity to really celebrate and get excited much.  We've both been dealing with, what feels like, a very long and debilitating illness on my part.  Today, I was unable to get out of bed until 4pm.  I felt so terrible all day that I couldn't do anything different.  It was supposed to be a very busy day -- I had three different events planned -- but I had to cancel everything to stay inside, in bed, trying to control pain with medication.  I think I'm starting to feel sorry for myself..... it makes me sad sometimes.  But, I have to force myself to see the bigger picture.  Once I'm through these symptom...

I hopped on the pain train last Friday morning around 10am, just hours before we were set to leave for our 5hr road trip to see Josh play over the weekend.  After popping pain pills, and curling up on my bed in the fetal position while Kellen got things ready that I listed off for him, the pain seemed to start tapering down.  This was normal, as the pain just comes and goes as it pleases, but it never hangs around that long and the pain medication I'm on typically helps. I was fine sitting in the car for 5 hours, but once we arrived at the Renaissance in Cleveland, I stepped out of the car and felt shooting pain in my left side.  The nurse had mentioned last week that my left side looked worse/bigger, but at that time I wasn't feeling anything special on either side, it was pretty much equally distributed.  I managed this pain throughout the entire weekend on 6 pain pills and extra strength tylenol.  I only made the .8 mile walk to the stadium one time as we h...

I think I have a case of IVF PTSD.  I've been getting great news, and I have moments of excitement, but they are so short lived.  I'm quickly back into "waiting mode" for that next appointment for another chance to be confirmed that this is real.  I have another two weeks to wait until my next ultrasound appointment (Wednesday July 22) to check that things are still progressing. Today, from what the nurse could see, as she says "your ovaries are still HUGE", only ONE babe was visible.  :-)  We saw the heartbeat.  :-)  Everything looked great.  My ovaries are still huge because symptoms of OHSS may not completely go away until after the first trimester.  As of today, I am 6w3d pregnant and my due date is February 25.  Can I just say that I probably would have had a huge panic attack if there would have been two babies?  I mean....my body, that newborn stage, nursing, our little Broad Ripple house with no sound barrier...  no...

The wait for this first ultrasound has been harder than any two week wait for an HCG beta.  I'm not nearly as confident or naive as I was when I got a positive beta with Khloe back in 2010.  I've been through unsuccessful rounds since then, and I've since received a positive beta that did not result in a viable pregnancy.  Today, I'm praying and hoping I'm still pregnant (first off), even though all signs still point to me being pregnant.  The OHSS symptoms are still hanging around as I occasionally get pain attacks, mostly in the middle of the night, and Aunt Flo has stayed away.  At home tests read positive.  I've also been completely exhausted nearly 100% of the time.  As I get ready to head out the door to meet Kellen at the clinic, I'm nervous but I'm hopeful.  Am I actually pregnant?  Will we see a glimpse of a heartbeat?  Is there one, two or five babies in there?  (Not funny.)  We're about to find out at 2pm.

Well, hello everyone!  I haven't updated this blog since Tuesday June 23rd - oops.  However, there haven't been any but good changes since then.  My second blood draw showed that my beta HCG had doubled, perfectly like they/we were hoping.  Since then, I have been totally exhausted.  Most days I take a nap, which is typically unusual for me.  Actually, I don't even like naps.  I always feel like I'm losing quality daylight time if I'm inside sleeping.  :) I never ended up going in for a 4th paracentesis, thank God.  I'm still dealing with fluid in my abdomen, but it is slowly decreasing as the days pass.  I was able to sleep on my stomach for the first time last night.  I still take the occasional pain pill before bed or in the middle of the night when the cramping seems to get the most intense, but for the most part, it's manageable and getting easier each day. I'm looking forward to a relaxing couple of days this weekend as we...

POSITIVE! I'm terrible because I can't remember if she said my hcg was 105 or 150, but she did say "positive" and she did say it was a "nice and high number."  I go back tomorrow morning for a second test that should hopefully show an increase in my hcg level.  I had also taken a home test last Saturday that read positive, so I had a good feeling.  Now we just hope and pray that number increases and this pregnancy is healthy and sustainable. 

You know, I've heard of people possibly looking really pregnant and not actually being pregnant but having maybe a tumor in their abdomen or something along those lines.  But I never thought I would be one of those people and LITERALLY look like I'm going to give birth here in a couple months.  It is up there on my list of "cruelest jokes ever" and included amongst last January's positive pregnancy test followed up with a non-pregnancy.  I did see someone today though who is in the same OHSS predicament as me.  I thought she was pregnant (maybe 6-7 months along) until the nurse walks up and tells the receptionist that she and I both were checking out and just had a paracentesis.  I feel bad for her going through this as well, but I also feel better knowing that I'm not alone. I had arrived at the clinic this morning to have my blood drawn for my pregnancy test.  Jamie, the blood draw lady, whom I love and is always so nice and talkative, asked me how I wa...

I didn't set an alarm to wake up this morning because Kellen and I discussed the night prior that he'd get Khloe up and ready for her last day of VBS, then drop her off before heading in to work.  I woke up around 8:30am to the sound of the shower running and thought I should double check that Khloe was awake and starting to get ready. I had slept for quite a long stretch last night, falling asleep on the couch around 10pm after taking my final IVF meds for the day and a pain pill.  I don't like to take my pain pills when I don't need to, but I learned a good lesson this morning - take them, regularly and on schedule, especially until my ovaries get back to normal size. Before I got up to go check on Khloe, I could feel that the fluids (that had been drained just one day earlier from my abdomen) had built back up a little bit.  I decided to take one of my pain pills just before getting up for the day.  I walked in to check on Khloe, and within a matter of seconds...

After 5 days of having my mom around to keep my house clean, do all our laundry, run errands for us, make food, take care of Khloe, and even take her out to do fun things so I could rest and recover -- she's officially gone back home.  I need my body to recover from this OHSS so I can handle daily life again.  I spent just about the entire day today on pain medication and lying/sleeping on the couch.  My father-in-law was so helpful in picking up Khloe from VBS, taking her to lunch, and then bringing her back home and me a surprise lunch and flowers. <3  I'm really thankful for all the help I've received lately. At this point, we're just playing it day by day and hoping that my body adjusts back to normal.  It's a little scary to know that if I do become pregnant, these symptoms could become dramatically worse.  I'm trying to avoid reading horror stories about OHSS online, but it's hard to avoid when this condition is so serious and I want to feel info...

I'm not letting the roller coaster ride get to me this time.  I believe that things happen for a reason and that God uses everything for good.  Maybe what I go through, and choose to share and talk about, can be helpful to others.  Or at least informative to others who may be getting ready to go through IVF. OHSS, or ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, can be very dangerous.  In my particular situation, and with my background, the chances of me getting it were a very slim 2-3%.  But it happened, so whatever, we do what we need to to get through it. Warning:  These details may gross some out.  Like me.  I'm grossed out. I arrived at Dr. Jarrett's office this morning, with Kellen, at 7:30am.  I looked ridiculous.  Dr. J had me lay on the table, lifted my shirt and said, in his very "Dr. House" way of saying things, "That's impressive."  My belly was so hard and so huge that it didn't take him but a second or two to tell me that w...

I like writing in my blog.  Sometimes I write in it as if it's my own personal journal, sometimes I write to the hundreds that view my posts, and sometimes I write to my family or my infertility friends specifically.  Today, it's personal, and today I'm writing for myself. This weekend was something else...  That pain that started on Friday - that Dr. Jarret was unable to relieve - is still there.  I can feel the fluid pockets in my abdomen pushing against everything, and severely stretching out my abs.  There have been times this weekend where I felt serious suffering.  I've spoken to Dr. Jarret twice, today as he was driving his daughter to camp on the south side of Bloomington and I was crying while telling him my symptoms over the phone.  He knows what is going on and was so sympathetic but reluctant to send me to the emergency room.  He wants to do the paracentesis (a procedure to remove fluid from the abdomen) so I am going in tomorrow mor...

Today was an interesting day.  We received a phone call from the embryologist saying that another embryo had continued to grow, looked great, and we are now able to freeze 2.  (Praise God!)  Freezing embryos is a first for us, so I don't know much about it except that our clinic will keep them on site for one year and after that year they ship them to another state (I think Minnesota) for long term storage.  If this IVF round is not successful, we'll attempt a frozen cycle.  If it is, we'll have some decisions to make later on. This phone call from the embryologist came sometime around 9am.  I was unable to answer because I woke up this morning some time around 6:30am in excruciating pain.  Since the retreival last Saturday, I've been dealing with extremely large ovaries that should be contracting back down to normal size.  It is typical that after the retrieval they fill back up with fluid, which causes more discomfort and bloating (this is why...

Quick recap:  Last Saturday (Egg retrieval day), Dr. Jarrett retrieved 11 mature eggs.  The following day, 7 eggs had fertilized.  We received a call Tuesday with a transfer time of Thursday at 8am. I arrived at Dr. Jarrett's office this morning at 7am.  I was instructed to drink 32oz of water (this allows for a full bladder that helps get a better view of the uterus on the ultrasound scan) and take a valium as soon as I pulled into the parking lot.  It only took about 5 minutes until I felt like I was flying high as a kite.  When the nurse called my name to head back to the triage area, Kellen and I followed and I'm pretty sure I walked into part of the wall.  Nobody noticed.  ;-) After filling out all the necessary paperwork, and having Kellen sign the important stuff -- since you know, I'm high -- the embryologist came in to deliver the news; the much anticipated news that I have been trying to patiently and calmly wait for.  The news ...

The embryologist called me this morning to report that they were able to use ICSI on all 11 eggs and 7 of those eggs have fertilized.  What I like about Dr. Jarrett's office is that they leave the embryos alone to grow and will check them the morning of my transfer, which will be next Thursday.  My old clinic would call almost daily with updates on the embryos, but I think that leaving them alone is best.  This is great news, however, I have a hard time celebrating until we end up with a positive test and a healthy, sustainable pregnancy.  Seven embryos is much better than our 2 we had last January.  I do hope that all of them are healthy and we would possibly have some to freeze, but on the other hand, I think that I'm getting to the ending point of wanting to continue with fertility treatments.  I've been doing this for over 6 years.  If this cycle does not work, and we have frozen embryos, I would consider attempting a frozen cycle.  On the o...

Here are some of the things I think about when going through an IVF cycle after failing the two previous IVF cycles: 1.  What's on the calendar for us after 6/22 and 6/24 (the days of my pregnancy tests)?  Thankfully, we were invited up to Kellen's step moms lake house with her and my father-in-law the weekend right before, so that will be a great little getaway.  We always have a good time hanging out with them.  We're heading up to one of Josh's series in July with Katie and Brian for another fun getaway.  I've also got their wedding, and my friend Lauren's wedding coming up shortly after this cycle - including some crazy fun bachelorette parties to attend!  There are many fun things in my near future, and I get to enjoy these times with some of the greatest people in my life.  No matter what happens this month, I have a lot to look forward to. 2.  What can we do and where can we go as a family of three?  We're looking to move/build...

I can't tell if I gained 10lbs of straight fat overnight last night or if it was because of my trigger shot.  It feels like fat, but I know who's at fault here.  It's a weird feeling when you volunteer yourself to become a science fair project, shoot up a bunch of drugs, and feel them working in your insides.  Having volunteered for this IVF business many times now makes me wonder a little why it was always so hard for me to come up with good science fair ideas in elementary and middle school.  Even my "demonstration" speech was a terrible idea -- I demo'd how to iron a t-shirt in 5th grade.  Like, seriously?  How I ended up with any friends, I have no idea. Anyways, it's past midnight now and I'm officially not allowed to eat or drink anything.  I have to be at the office at 7:30am for an 8:30am retrieval.  Honestly, I kinda can't wait for the anesthesia nap because I haven't slept well at all lately!  I hope Dr. Jarrett gets some good qua...

I can't sleep.  I've had this insomnia going on for nearly the past 2 weeks.  I had a rough day yesterday.  I felt crummy as all these meds are blowing up my ovaries.  Then, I ate pizza and ice cream last night and felt better today.  Hah.  Every once and a while, it's important to throw some pizza and ice cream into your diet.  #truth  The fertility meds just push and push and push you to your max limit and the feeling is like a large knot in your stomach.  Everything else is being pushed out of the way.  I get full much faster when I eat foods because there's just not a lot of room for my stomach to hold much right now.  This process is always brutal, and I haven't even let the "emotional ride" get to me yet. I went in for another appointment this morning and the doctor decided to push me another day on meds and move my egg retrieval back to Saturday.  WELL THEN.  The nurse says to me, after measuring some very large/m...

I feel nauseous.  It could be the meds or it could be the ice cream and brownie thing that Kellen just made for me.  Everything in my general stomach area is cramped for space.  These fertility shots are doing their job, that's for sure.  My appointment yesterday went well.  Follicles are growing and I've got about 10 or so in each ovary.  They started me on the ganirelix shot Monday and I'm to take that along with all my other meds every day, but this specific shot has to be at an exact time each day, so 7:15am it is.  (Fun Fact:  In all the fertility treatments I've been though over the past 6 years, I've never once given myself a shot.  So, all my shots are determined around Kellen's schedule, because he's now a pro.)  The nurse told me that the retrieval tentatively scheduled for Friday could be Friday or Saturday.  I go for another scan in the morning, so I will get more information then as they see how I've progressed. ...

I haven't had much to say so far this go-around.  To be honest, I have felt really great over the past week.  I think that helped me to hold off on entering into that "IVF/Fertility Mode" mindset.  I haven't hit "crazy" just yet.  I've had a lot of energy and I credit it all to being very strict with my diet (lots of water, whole foods, minimum carbohydrates) and getting my butt in the gym.  My workouts have been far and few between, but I'm in the gym a lot to coach and that alone gets me moving, stretching, mobilizing, etc.  I've been taking lupron, menopure, and bravelle over the past 9 days and my first appointment at the clinic was yesterday.  I had my blood drawn and a nurse performed an ultrasound to check my ovaries and make sure they're being stimulated by the meds.   I'm still taking daily shots of menopure and bravelle, and I go back in tomorrow for my second ultrasound.  Things are looking well so far.  The nurse should see m...

It wasn't today, it was yesterday...in the middle of the afternoon, right before I had to leave to coach all evening.  I returned a phone call to the specialty pharmacy with whom we are working with to overnight our meds for our next IVF cycle.  Hearing the cost of the meds alone literally made my heart stop beating for a second.  I know Dr. Jarrett is expensive, but I also believe he is the best.  He more than doubled my medication for this round, which means cost will more than double -- almost triple.  It is a gamble, spending our money on a procedure that may or may not produce a healthy pregnancy.  After paying over the phone, I hung up, stared at the wall for what felt like 30 seconds and then broke into tears.  So many thoughts are running through my head.  But overcoming the cloudiness in my brain is this sense of peace.  I feel led to do this.  And I am so thankful that I feel that way, because that is the answer I've been pra...

I never thought I would be attempting in vitro fertilization at any point in my life, let alone five times, but here's to hoping 5 is my new lucky number because HERE WE GO.  I'm not in the thinking-mode to get carried away with this post, but I wanted to get the details in writing and note that I have my "begin cycle" appointment this coming Monday, May 18th, where I'll receive my calendar of meds and get the ball rolling again.  Dr. Jarrett is prescribing his most aggressive protocol, and I think I mentioned in my previous post that I've already been warned of it's intensity.  Surgical procedures will be somewhere around the first week of June, but those dates wont be narrowed down until he sees how I respond to the medication.  Please keep me and my family in your prayers -- we are praying for clarity in our decision to give IVF another go, mental and emotional strength on my part, and that a successful (and hopefully, "final") cycle resultin...

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.  If I had to stand for anything, I stand for this.  Infertility has changed me.  I am no longer the same person I was in 2008.  I have been tested, pushed beyond my limits, had my heart ripped out of my chest, the air knocked out of my lungs....I have been knocked down, experienced depression, grief, and loss.  The last 7 years have been the biggest roller coaster ride of my life, but I have come out on top.  I beat the $%*z out of infertility in 2010 when the doctor transferred three of our embryos and I became pregnant with my healthy and happy little girl, Khloe.  She's a fighter as well, from the beginning when she beat out her two other sibings for the uteral win.  [insert fist bump annnnnnd blow it up] I'm not sure I could come up with the perfect verbiage to encourage those of you experiencing this roller coaster ride for yourself.  I can empathize, and I can listen.  But, above ...

It's Friday night, 11pm, and I'm writing a blog post.  Take note, because this is what cool kids do. I know it's a little late notice, but I did go in for my FINAL blood draw this past Monday and found that my HCG level had dropped to a 3.  The nurse basically said "that's it, you're done."  Dr. Jarrett called me personally the following day and left me a nice voice message.  He called to check on me, tell me that he was happy my levels finally dropped all the way down, and said we could get into another IVF round as soon as we were ready.  I could tell he was sitting there looking over my charts because as soon as he said that he retracted it and said "actually, with the methotrexate, let's wait one more month."  That chemo shot is serious business.  We have to wait until I have a full cycle and we are sure the chemo is out of my body entirely before attempting to turn me back into a chemically unbalanced, hormonal lab rat.  I'm not su...

Where have the last four days of my life gone?  Sickness struck our household nearly two weeks ago when Khloe came down with a bad cold.  She recovered quickly, however it wasn't but a few days later that I started to lose my voice and get a pretty rough sounding cough.  It quickly turned into the stomach flu and has been hanging around for over four days.  I just can't seem to kick this.  As I think about this upcoming week, I know that tomorrow morning I am to go back in to Dr. Jarrett's office another blood draw in hopes that my HCG levels have continued to drop.  I 100% think that the chemo shot they gave me a few weeks back has significantly impaired my immune system.  I can only remember one other time that I have ever been this sick, and that was in 2009 when I had to skip out on Black Friday overnight shopping with my cousin.  :-)  I am thankful for my health under normal life circumstances, and I am hoping and praying that my body ...

I'm happy that it's March.  That means SPRING, and flowers, and blooming trees, and fresh air.  Although I am happy that spring is near, I'm pretty bummed that I'm still dealing with this IVF cycle that started on December 30th.  Last Monday, I went in to check that my HCG level had dropped - and it had, down to 76 (from 96).  I was asked to repeat the blood test again in a week, so I went in this morning and just received the call that my HCG level dropped to 59.  It's a good sign that it is dropping, but it is so discouraging that we're already into March and my body can't kick this.  It's hard to let go of my original plan, especially when the plan was to try another IVF cycle in March if the January cycle had failed.  Well, here we are March.  And here we are [still] January cycle. Sometimes life doesn't go as planned.....HA.  You'd think I would know that by now.  I don't know what's worse, paying for IVF and ending with both a mi...

Got my labs back today, numbers went up to 96.  Apparently, that's normal for it to rise, so whatever...don't care anymore.  I go back Monday to get stabbed in my arm again so they can check my HCG level.  And this is ironic, but can I get a negative test, already!?  Mentally, I have moved on.  There are better things ahead for me so I can't allow myself to get stuck in past failures. I'm working out again.  I signed up for this dang CrossFit Open that I'm totally going to blow.  I hope I can do 5 burpees in a row without passing out...  I will say though, I love my mindset when it comes to CrossFit right now.  My gym is running the Open intramural style, which means we split up into teams and compete for "spirit of the games".  I mean, you get points for doing the workouts and being a top finisher, but nobody cares about that.  We are going to dress up like idiots and act like fools to win those Spirit of the Games points.  ...

There's one word I wasn't expecting to hear on the morning of Valentine's Day: chemo. At 8:15am this morning, I arrived at Dr. Jarrett's office.  I really like him.  As I walked down the hall with the nurse, I passed him briefly and he and say's "Hey Jen.  How are you feeling?"  "Good, I feel good," I said quickly as we passed and I walked into the room.  After a few minutes of me changing and hopping onto the table contraption with the red and pink heart covered "foot holders" (that's what I call them), Dr. Jarrett came in to perform an ultrasound.  He looked around and didn't see anything, which made him think that the pregnancy is in my tubes.  During this appointment, he more seriously went over the symptoms of a tubal rupture/ectopic pregnancy and told me that I am to head straight to the ER if I feel any abdominal pain, shoulder pain, or dizziness.  He also prescribed Methotrexate, which is an intramuscular injection of ...

Today, 8 days since my last beta, I went back in to the lab for yet another blood draw to determine my HCG level.  Last Thursday it was at 63.5.  Today, it was back up to 68.  I have no idea what's going on, but this is definitely not a good thing.  Dr. Jarrett wants me to come in tomorrow morning at 8:15am so he can see what is going on.  In my mind, the main thing that sucks about this is that my body is still stuck on this January cycle and we can't move on with the process.  Dr. Jarrett has said that my cycle will not be back to normal until my HCG drops back down to zero.  Hopefully, we'll get some answers tomorrow.  Once things are back to normal, we'll still have to wait 2 full cycles until we can try again.  Still hoping and praying for a natural miracle, but if God wants to use IVF again, whatevs.  :-)

I went to see Dr. Jarrett yesterday at 12:30pm.  Luckily, I had to wait so long in the waiting room that the office received my blood test results back by the time I actually met with the doctor.  My hcg level had dropped from 75 on Tuesday to 63.5 yesterday.  Dr. Jarrett's response was "Oh, thank God!"  We talked with him and listened as he determined this was a chemical pregnancy.  A chemical pregnancy is basically an early miscarriage.  I'm not really sure how I feel about that.   I have to go back in next week to have my hcg level checked again.  They're going to monitor it until it drops back down to zero.   The doctor wants me to wait a full two cycles before trying again.  So, I guess we're looking at April or May.  Oh, this life...

This is totally going to throw you for a loop. One of the nurses at Dr. Jarrett's office called me Monday night at 5:30pm.  You see, I was originally scheduled to have a blood draw on Monday, but after talking to the nurse Saturday and determining that this cycle was over due to the fact that nature had moved on to the next cycle, I assumed the Monday blood draw was no longer required.  On Saturday, I took a home pregnancy test to be certain it was negative.  The test I took was a First Response, which can detect HCG levels as low as 25.  If in fact my number had been increasing (the Thursday prior my HCG was at 45) or even remained the same, the test should have read "pregnant," but it didn't. The call from the nurse was to let me know that I still needed to come in and have my levels checked again.  Even if the cycle had failed, they needed to see those number go down.  This made sense to me, especially considering they only had results showing my HCG...

I had a nurse return my phone call yesterday around 2pm.  It was the same nurse that I mentioned a few posts back [http://hurstbabystory.blogspot.com/2015/01/game-time.html], Courtney is her name.  She has been such a blessing during this process.  I talked to her for nearly 15 minutes and everything she said to me was exactly what I needed to hear. I now feel as though I have a plan in place.  I'm not giving up.  Each month is an opportunity to grow my family, whether it be through IVF or not.  Maybe something will happen this month, if not, we'll try IVF again beginning in March.  My hope and my faith is not in the doctor but it is in God.  Dr. Jarrett doesn't create life, God creates life.  And as controversial as IVF can be when mixed with religious talk, I believe that God uses IVF as a tool just as He has provided many other medical procedures for us. --------------------- What's impossible for me to understand right now is "why?"...

I can't wait and write later, I have to get my thoughts down when I'm having them.  That's how I cope.  And I don't have any problem at all being an open book -- it helps me.  And that's why I do it, for me.  If you have any comments or a response to this post, please let it be positive and hopeful. All I know at this point is that I'm definitely not pregnant (all informative details aside).  I've looked up a couple different things online varying from chemical pregnancy to early miscarriage (which seem to be the exact same thing).  I'm currently awaiting a phone call from Dr. Jarrett telling me what to do next. I don't really have any feelings right now.  But I'm not numb, either.  I'm very aware of the situation and honestly, it is what it is.  It's odd that I feel at peace with it all.  Sometimes the roller coaster just needs to end, and maybe some day we'll try again and the roller coaster will end on a high note.  I don...

Today's results were a bit of a relief.  My HCG levels are at 45.  They haven't quite doubled like Dr. Jarrett wanted to see, but they were almost there!  He's having me come back in Monday morning to test again and they are hoping my HCG level will be in the 150-180 range.  I'm finally convinced.  I AM PREGNANT!  Over the past week or so, I've been having really vivid dreams at night.  It's been really weird....  Like, I will fall asleep and immediately start dreaming about something or someone crazy and when I wake up I remember all the details.  This happens about 3-4 times a night, and is not normal for me.  I've also had really bad "metal mouth" for the past 3 days or so and I've been having really bad headaches.  I had some serious headaches early on in my pregnancy with Khloe and actually took a few sick days at work for migraines.  Luckily, that was about the only problem or sickness I had during my pregnancy with her...

Let me back track a bit... I tend to be a little impatient.  And given the brutality of this process, I feel that though my patience is tested, I try very hard to sit back and watch God do his thing.  That being said, I only took three at home pregnancy tests before going in for my blood draw today.  (Sarcastic emphasis on the "only")  When I got pregnant with Khloe, I tested a few days before going in for my blood draw and the at home test read positive.  That was my first and only positive pregnancy test to date.  The three tests I took over the weekend all read negative.  I spent yesterday angry and bitter and only chatted with a couple of my closest friends about how I was feeling.  I was preparing myself for the ultimate result today.  I wanted to be ready for the call from the doctor saying that my results were negative and I wanted to be prepared to confirm my follow up appointment to discuss everything and when or if we should proce...

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a while, especially while undergoing this IVF process.  I finished up those big Progesterone shots a couple days ago, and since then I've started to feel a little more normal and my energy level is starting to rise.  Yesterday, I was up at 4:45am, coached Mack and Nina through a fun workout, grocery shopped, had breakfast and a shower all before Kellen or Khloe got out of bed.  I'm thankful I had such a great start to the day, because the rest of the morning and afternoon was abnormally challenging with my little terrific-three-year-old toddler who had to miss her gymnastics class because all of her clothes give her wedgies.  (Long story, I'll spare you.) Kellen came home from work early to take Khloe off my hands.  Soon after, he, Khloe and Uncle Josh were off for a little Khloe/Daddy/Uncle date night to Pizza King and an animated kid movie that Khloe LOVED and Daddy and Uncle Josh powered through like champs. B...

Good morning everyone!  It's 2pm and I just woke up from a 4 1/2 hour Valium induced nap.  I mean, the doctor did say bed rest for 48 hours, so BOOM, nailing it. What in the freak just happened this morning?!  I've already given you guys the background story, right?  So you all probably understand why I had anxiety all week, but I'll say it again quickly.  We've had 3 previous IVF cycles.  2 failed, 1 was Khloe.  Every one of those cycles, we had multiple fertilized embryos, maybe 6-8, on day 1 after the egg retrieval.  This cycle was different.  We only had 2 that had fertilized, so I was scared to death all week thinking that there was absolutely no way just 2 embryos were going to survive let alone get to the quality we would need them to be at by transfer day, which is 5 days post retrieval.  When I did get pregnant with Khloe, we had transferred 3 embryos.  So....this news was a huge blow. At this point in the process, ever...