For a very long time I have known that the number seven has many biblical references and meanings. I decided to do some looking into that to take my mind of our two-week-wait. Turns out, the number seven is used 735 times in the bible and it is also the number of completion and perfection. It's tied to God's creation of all things and it's biblical references really do go on and on. The word "created" is used 7 times describing God's creative work. And
then, of course, there are 7 days in a week with the Sabbath being on
the 7th day.
That being said, this is our 7th fertility cycle. Our first cycle, back in the beginning of 2010, was an IUI (intrauterine insemination) which proved to be unsuccessful from the beginning. We jumped straight to IVF in June of 2010, which was again another failure. Not only was it hard to accept failure of an IVF cycle, it was hard going into an IVF cycle knowing that, aside from a miracle, this was our only chance at having a child. We are so grateful for the process of IVF and so grateful for the science behind it. I thank God for science, in fact.
After months of grieving the failure of a cycle that felt like our last resort of having a family, we decided to give it another go in November 2010. This was a defining moment in my life, as I conceived my daughter, Khloe. She was born in August 2011 and has been such an amazing gift to Kellen and I. How God could use science and create someone so kind-hearted, sweet, smart, and caring amazes me every single day.
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Since as long as I can remember, I've also wanted to have a big family. I grew up with two brothers, so a family of five was everything that I knew. This day in age, a large family might seem crazy to some, but my heart hasn't changed and it still longs for a house full of craziness and love. That longing is what led us to go for another IVF round in November 2012. This particular cycle failed (again) and left us with a .250 average or a record of 1 out of 4 tries. At this point, it was even harder to hang on to hope.
Since Khloe, the grieving experience has never been as hard as it was back in June of 2010, but it is still hard. We spend months preparing for an IVF cycle and so much of our energy, emotion, and money goes into each attempt. With more failures than successes, it is exceptionally hard to hold on to hope. I could write an entire book on how infertility has strengthened my faith and relationship with God, but I'll spare you right now by just saying that without God I could not have continued through this process.
After receiving the results of another failed cycle in December 2012, we took a bit of a break from infertility. It wasn't until 2014 that we decided to switch clinics and go with Dr. Jarrett. We had heard great things about him (amazing things, actually). Astonishing as it is, I hadn't even heard of one unsuccessful fertility story in regards to him (even though I know there are some out there because his rates are not 100%).
Mid-2014, we met with Dr. Jarrett and after a few months of testing and one minor surgery for me, we went for another IVF try in January 2015. This cycle was, well, a whirlwind to say the least! The rollercoaster of emotion may have hit an all-time high as we received good news, followed by bad news, and back a forth a few times before chalking this cycle up as a fail. It was hard to endure, especially since we had what is called a "tubal pregnancy" and I was prescribed a form of chemo to "dissolve" the pregnancy and avoid ER visits or surgery on my end.
A few months later, we went back to Dr. Jarrett to undergo what we thought at the time would be our final cycle. In our initial discussion in May 2015, he said he wanted to use his most aggressive protocol. I agreed, and we began IVF attempt number 6, which gave me my little guy, Evan. The protocol was so aggressive, that my pregnancy began with OHSS, which at times made me feel like I was dying. I was on pain medication for weeks and went in for three emergency paracenteses during my first trimester. If I had to compare it to labor, I would say it was way worse, but I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I would have my child.
During Evan's IVF cycle, the aggressiveness of it all gave us multiple high quality embryos and for the first time ever, we were given the option of freezing two, which we did. This leads us to our present frozen cycle, which is fertility round number 7.
I don't like calling it "lucky number 7" because it's not luck that got us here. It is the combination of many things, most importantly God's presence and miraculous gift of life through the use of science. Since Wednesday December 14, I've been waiting for the results of our FET. I felt very optimistic going in today because I've had a positive home test since last Thursday (yay!). However, it is the blood test that gives us the real numbers of how high my HCG is. So, today I went in around 9am for a blood draw. I wasn't expecting a call back until late in the day, but the nurse called at 10:30am. She was super excited to tell me that the lab work looks "amazing" and my HCG level is at 561 (that's really high, yikes!). I go back in Wednesday to see that the levels have risen and get a check on my estrogen and progesterone levels, as well. If all continues to go well, we'll have our 6 week ultrasound very soon after.
Thank you so much for the prayers -- they were felt. Thank you for praying with me and for praying for me. 💛 And yay, God!
That being said, this is our 7th fertility cycle. Our first cycle, back in the beginning of 2010, was an IUI (intrauterine insemination) which proved to be unsuccessful from the beginning. We jumped straight to IVF in June of 2010, which was again another failure. Not only was it hard to accept failure of an IVF cycle, it was hard going into an IVF cycle knowing that, aside from a miracle, this was our only chance at having a child. We are so grateful for the process of IVF and so grateful for the science behind it. I thank God for science, in fact.
After months of grieving the failure of a cycle that felt like our last resort of having a family, we decided to give it another go in November 2010. This was a defining moment in my life, as I conceived my daughter, Khloe. She was born in August 2011 and has been such an amazing gift to Kellen and I. How God could use science and create someone so kind-hearted, sweet, smart, and caring amazes me every single day.
-----
Since as long as I can remember, I've also wanted to have a big family. I grew up with two brothers, so a family of five was everything that I knew. This day in age, a large family might seem crazy to some, but my heart hasn't changed and it still longs for a house full of craziness and love. That longing is what led us to go for another IVF round in November 2012. This particular cycle failed (again) and left us with a .250 average or a record of 1 out of 4 tries. At this point, it was even harder to hang on to hope.
Since Khloe, the grieving experience has never been as hard as it was back in June of 2010, but it is still hard. We spend months preparing for an IVF cycle and so much of our energy, emotion, and money goes into each attempt. With more failures than successes, it is exceptionally hard to hold on to hope. I could write an entire book on how infertility has strengthened my faith and relationship with God, but I'll spare you right now by just saying that without God I could not have continued through this process.
After receiving the results of another failed cycle in December 2012, we took a bit of a break from infertility. It wasn't until 2014 that we decided to switch clinics and go with Dr. Jarrett. We had heard great things about him (amazing things, actually). Astonishing as it is, I hadn't even heard of one unsuccessful fertility story in regards to him (even though I know there are some out there because his rates are not 100%).
Mid-2014, we met with Dr. Jarrett and after a few months of testing and one minor surgery for me, we went for another IVF try in January 2015. This cycle was, well, a whirlwind to say the least! The rollercoaster of emotion may have hit an all-time high as we received good news, followed by bad news, and back a forth a few times before chalking this cycle up as a fail. It was hard to endure, especially since we had what is called a "tubal pregnancy" and I was prescribed a form of chemo to "dissolve" the pregnancy and avoid ER visits or surgery on my end.
A few months later, we went back to Dr. Jarrett to undergo what we thought at the time would be our final cycle. In our initial discussion in May 2015, he said he wanted to use his most aggressive protocol. I agreed, and we began IVF attempt number 6, which gave me my little guy, Evan. The protocol was so aggressive, that my pregnancy began with OHSS, which at times made me feel like I was dying. I was on pain medication for weeks and went in for three emergency paracenteses during my first trimester. If I had to compare it to labor, I would say it was way worse, but I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I would have my child.
During Evan's IVF cycle, the aggressiveness of it all gave us multiple high quality embryos and for the first time ever, we were given the option of freezing two, which we did. This leads us to our present frozen cycle, which is fertility round number 7.
I don't like calling it "lucky number 7" because it's not luck that got us here. It is the combination of many things, most importantly God's presence and miraculous gift of life through the use of science. Since Wednesday December 14, I've been waiting for the results of our FET. I felt very optimistic going in today because I've had a positive home test since last Thursday (yay!). However, it is the blood test that gives us the real numbers of how high my HCG is. So, today I went in around 9am for a blood draw. I wasn't expecting a call back until late in the day, but the nurse called at 10:30am. She was super excited to tell me that the lab work looks "amazing" and my HCG level is at 561 (that's really high, yikes!). I go back in Wednesday to see that the levels have risen and get a check on my estrogen and progesterone levels, as well. If all continues to go well, we'll have our 6 week ultrasound very soon after.
Thank you so much for the prayers -- they were felt. Thank you for praying with me and for praying for me. 💛 And yay, God!
😍
ReplyDeleteThis update makes me soooo happy!
ReplyDelete