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The Beginning of The End

I've said this before, but I want to say it again because it's a hard realization for me: This is our final round of infertility treatments.  What began 8 years ago, will end on December 26th with either a positive or a negative result.  I'm trying to prepare for this but can I even?

I saw my previous blog post currently has over 3x as many views as the second highest viewed post in the last 8 years.  That leaves me curious and wondering where everybody came from and what led them to my blog.  I don't know.  But what I do know is that God is working mysteriously in my life right now.  I'm on this unfamiliar path that is really pushing me out of my comfort zone but by staying obedient and in prayer, I'm learning and I'm seeing God in my life in ways that I haven't really noticed before.  Everywhere I go I meet new people who are in some way or another connected to the infertility world.  Each person has their own story and is at a different place within their journey, but there is a connection between us all.  It's important for me to remind myself that this journey of mine has changed my life and changed me as an individual.  Through it all, God has given me many things I've prayed for, and that's all aside from the gift of my two (IVF) children.  I have gained patience, compassion for others, and I have truly felt the fruits of the spirit working in my life here recently.  Galations 5:22-23 says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."  I'm realizing now more than ever that if I want to continue to grow in my faith, to learn more about what I say I believe, and to live my life the way God intended me to then I've got to be purposeful and consistent.  Both of which are challenging for me, especially when it's easy to come up with excuses like the busyness of life.  It may have taken nearly 33 years, or, shoot, let's go ahead and put that in perspective and just call it "Jesus' entire life on Earth," for me to take the next steps in pursuing the life God planned for me.  It's uncomfortable, if I'm being honest.  I've been complacent for a long time and as a result I haven't been experiencing God to the fullest.  I'm starting to do things now that are out of my comfort zone and things that I don't always really feel like doing.  But like I said earlier, I know that when I'm obedient and follow through on my commitments, I see God working.  So much so that I sometimes get overwhelmed with emotion.  I've spent my entire life in church, but it wasn't until now that I've really desired to become more mature in my faith.  I was praying a few weeks ago and asked God to help me to hear Him and notice Him in my life and since then, I've been noticing Him.  Luke 11:9-10 says “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

This past Tuesday was my first scan for the upcoming frozen cycle.  Everything looks "perfect," according to the nurse.  We had a small hiccup with the delivery schedule of our frozen embryos, but after sorting that out, our schedule has been updated and our transfer date has changed to December 14th.  The embryos will arrive on the 12th, but they will not thaw until the 15th.  Please pray that these babies are shipped safely and then that they would survive the thawing process.  My focus right now is on what I can control, and that is following the protocol and medication schedule precisely and also staying purposeful and consistent in my daily life.

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