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The Suck

Four shots a day, two in the morning, two in the evening.  I am officially feeling "the suck" part of IVF.  I'm freaking bloated and feeling like a whale and I use the word freaking because my hormones are telling me to bite somebody's head off right now.  I'm angry, happy, excited, depressed, anxious, nervous, optimistic, pessimistic and thankful all at the same time.  Thank God for IVF, for the hope that it brings, and for the miracle babies that are created due to this procedure.  Thank God for Khloe, our little IVF miracle (from IVF round #2).  Thanks to God and to my little Khloe, I was able to spend the past 2 years free from the life of infertility.  Now, in the midst of our 3rd round of IVF and 4th infertility procedure total, the emotions and those feelings are flooding back.  BIG TIME.  This is the conversation the little devil guy and the angle on my shoulders have been having lately:  "Why is it so freaking hard for us to have kids?!"  "I am so thankful for this opportunity and for the previous success we've had with Khloe."  "It is INSANE how much we pay for this treatment just for the bit of hope; for a chance at pregnancy, again."  "I feel all too well the pain of others who are still trying to have a child of their own.  I also feel a little selfish for trying again...  Like God has already given me what I asked for, but I'm pushing the limit.  Will this be a failed cycle due to my own selfishness?"  It goes on and on...  And yes, I am a complete mess right now.  Give me a couple weeks and it'll either get better or worse!

On a better note, Wednesday is my birthday.  I'll be 29.  I also have an appointment with the fertility doctor that day.  We're hoping that the meds are doing what they're supposed to and that I'm right on track for a Monday ER (egg retrieval).

Coming up this weekend is my brother and Jess' wedding festivities!  Here's to a week of celebrations and medications!

Comments

  1. UnknownNovember 27, 2012 at 5:30 PM

    Right there with you with the suck part. I told Chris all I want to do is wear sweatpants and lay on the couch. Also, my new thing is freaking out about ovulating before retrieval. So fun. But it will be worth it! Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow! We'll be thinking of you guys!

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  2. JenniferNovember 27, 2012 at 8:02 PM

    Oh geez...I've never thought about that, but now that you mention it, that would be absolutely terrible!! Our doc has always given us an exact time to do the HCG shot (which if I remember correctly, is 36hrs before the ER) that allows for a clear window of time. I don't really remember everything exactly, but I'm sure they'll remind me of the details tomorrow at our appointment. :)

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