Time to See What's Inside

The wait for this first ultrasound has been harder than any two week wait for an HCG beta. I'm not nearly as confident or naive as I was when I got a positive beta with Khloe back in 2010. I've been through unsuccessful rounds since then, and I've since received a positive beta that did not result in a viable pregnancy. Today, I'm praying and hoping I'm still pregnant (first off), even though all signs still point to me being pregnant. The OHSS symptoms are still hanging around as I occasionally get pain attacks, mostly in the middle of the night, and Aunt Flo has stayed away. At home tests read positive. I've also been completely exhausted nearly 100% of the time.

As I get ready to head out the door to meet Kellen at the clinic, I'm nervous but I'm hopeful. Am I actually pregnant? Will we see a glimpse of a heartbeat? Is there one, two or five babies in there? (Not funny.) We're about to find out at 2pm.

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Mindset and Recap of Today's Egg Retrieval

Here are some of the things I think about when going through an IVF cycle after failing the two previous IVF cycles: 1. What's on the calendar for us after 6/22 and 6/24 (the days of my pregnancy tests)? Thankfully, we were invited up to Kellen's step moms lake house with her and my father-in-law the weekend right before, so that will be a great little getaway. We always have a good time hanging out with them. We're heading up to one of Josh's series in July with Katie and Brian for another fun getaway. I've also got their wedding, and my friend Lauren's wedding coming up shortly after this cycle - including some crazy fun bachelorette parties to attend! There are many fun things in my near future, and I get to enjoy these times with some of the greatest people in my life. No matter what happens this month, I have a lot to look forward to. 2. What can we do and where can we go as a family of three? We're looking to move/build...

How I Gained My Sense of Self Throughout This 14 Month Pregnancy

I'm just over 8 months pregnant, 32 weeks and 4 days to be exact. I really can't believe how long it took to get to this point and I still have some time left to go. This pregnancy feels like it started in December 2014. Probably because it basically did. It was around that time, in late December 2014 when we dove back in to the world of IVF. I had previously spent much of 2014 dialing in hard on my diet and my workouts (for the sole purpose of "I can" and "I will" and because that's where my passion lies) and thoroughly enjoying how I felt and the body I created through all that hard work and determination. I knew the following year was going to be devoted to IVF and [hopefully] a pregnancy. Having succumbed to this life consuming, self sacrificing treatment before, I knew how challenging it was and that challenge motivated me greatly to make the most of myself before those days would engulf me. My endorphins were pumping that summer. I...

The Loss of a Dream

I just saw this on Pinterest tonight. Yes, my Friday night is exciting. Tonight's single parenting is brought to you by "fantasy football draft." At least I think that's what he called it....could have been "sausage fest," serving up some franks and beans for all I know. It's been a long day, I can't remember. Anyways, I'm totally off track now. New paragraph... In my opinion, this quote is stated SO PERFECTLY. Personally, I have been blessed beyond all measure being given the opportunity to be Khloe's mom, but before that miracle happened I knew this pain very well and I am extremely empathetic to anyone experiencing this pain. Maybe I wasn't all that great at explaining how I felt during that time - I don't recall ever using the term "loss" - but this nails it. Spot on. "Infertility is a loss. It's the loss of a dream." Until you are given the chance to live out that dream and to have that futu...

Hurst Family: A Baby Story

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