Let me back track a bit...
I tend to be a little impatient. And given the brutality of this process, I feel that though my patience is tested, I try very hard to sit back and watch God do his thing. That being said, I only took three at home pregnancy tests before going in for my blood draw today. (Sarcastic emphasis on the "only") When I got pregnant with Khloe, I tested a few days before going in for my blood draw and the at home test read positive. That was my first and only positive pregnancy test to date. The three tests I took over the weekend all read negative. I spent yesterday angry and bitter and only chatted with a couple of my closest friends about how I was feeling. I was preparing myself for the ultimate result today. I wanted to be ready for the call from the doctor saying that my results were negative and I wanted to be prepared to confirm my follow up appointment to discuss everything and when or if we should proceed with another cycle.
I went in to the lab this morning before 8am. I wanted to get my blood in there early hoping for an early phone call and so that I could get Khloe to school by 9:15. I had a whole plan in place. In my perfect little world, I would have received the phone call sometime between 9 and 11am. The doctor would tell me the results were negative and I would head over to the gym, by myself, to throw heavy weight around and sweat out the anger -- all before picking Khloe up from school at 2:30pm.
But one thing I haven't learned in my 31+ years of life, is that I apparently don't have a perfect little world and God is still working on my patience and my faith. I did not receive a phone call until nearly 5pm. At this point, I was already prepared to celebrate my mother in laws birthday tonight with multiple margaritas. I answered the phone call while we were all in the drive thru line at Starbucks....and right after we learned that the car in front of us had paid for our drinks and Khloe's cake pop. Honestly, I saw it ringing and I didn't want to answer it. I had gone all day long not knowing and I wasn't sure I was ready to hear it yet. But I did, and it was a nurse. I wondered why she didn't sound very somber, since I know she was about to tell me the negative results, but then she says, "The results were a 28, and that's positive."
I'm still crying. I had actually stopped taking my meds yesterday because I was so sure it had failed. What little faith I have in our Almighty God. This has been the craziest month of my life, but I have never felt God work on my heart so much. We all went to church last Saturday night for Brian's baptism and I had prayed with Pastor Steve Poe before we left that night. Every so often our church will have people come down front after the service to pray for a miracle in their life. Though my faith was little, God still answered that prayer and many others.
Thank you everyone for your prayers. I go back in Thursday for another blood draw to make sure my levels have at least doubled, which will determine a healthy pregnancy.
I tend to be a little impatient. And given the brutality of this process, I feel that though my patience is tested, I try very hard to sit back and watch God do his thing. That being said, I only took three at home pregnancy tests before going in for my blood draw today. (Sarcastic emphasis on the "only") When I got pregnant with Khloe, I tested a few days before going in for my blood draw and the at home test read positive. That was my first and only positive pregnancy test to date. The three tests I took over the weekend all read negative. I spent yesterday angry and bitter and only chatted with a couple of my closest friends about how I was feeling. I was preparing myself for the ultimate result today. I wanted to be ready for the call from the doctor saying that my results were negative and I wanted to be prepared to confirm my follow up appointment to discuss everything and when or if we should proceed with another cycle.
I went in to the lab this morning before 8am. I wanted to get my blood in there early hoping for an early phone call and so that I could get Khloe to school by 9:15. I had a whole plan in place. In my perfect little world, I would have received the phone call sometime between 9 and 11am. The doctor would tell me the results were negative and I would head over to the gym, by myself, to throw heavy weight around and sweat out the anger -- all before picking Khloe up from school at 2:30pm.
But one thing I haven't learned in my 31+ years of life, is that I apparently don't have a perfect little world and God is still working on my patience and my faith. I did not receive a phone call until nearly 5pm. At this point, I was already prepared to celebrate my mother in laws birthday tonight with multiple margaritas. I answered the phone call while we were all in the drive thru line at Starbucks....and right after we learned that the car in front of us had paid for our drinks and Khloe's cake pop. Honestly, I saw it ringing and I didn't want to answer it. I had gone all day long not knowing and I wasn't sure I was ready to hear it yet. But I did, and it was a nurse. I wondered why she didn't sound very somber, since I know she was about to tell me the negative results, but then she says, "The results were a 28, and that's positive."
I'm still crying. I had actually stopped taking my meds yesterday because I was so sure it had failed. What little faith I have in our Almighty God. This has been the craziest month of my life, but I have never felt God work on my heart so much. We all went to church last Saturday night for Brian's baptism and I had prayed with Pastor Steve Poe before we left that night. Every so often our church will have people come down front after the service to pray for a miracle in their life. Though my faith was little, God still answered that prayer and many others.
Thank you everyone for your prayers. I go back in Thursday for another blood draw to make sure my levels have at least doubled, which will determine a healthy pregnancy.
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